In Search of Home*

I've been very quiet for the past little while, not only in this space, but in other parts of my life as well. I just haven't really had anything I wanted to talk about or say. I have also been dreaming about the vacation I am taking next week.

My dear best friend and her love have graciously agreed to put up with me for a week and allow me to stay with them at their apartment in Vancouver. It has been 2 very long months since I have seen her and I miss her dearly.

In addition to spending time with my lovely friends, I am trying out the city...

Let me explain ...

In this life, I feel that I have never truly found my home. I have found some wonderful places, and lived with beautiful souls that I call dear friends, but never found that one spot that just screams out "this is it ... this is where you are meant to be" . Now, while New York City did scream that for me, I just don't think at this point in my life that living in that city is possible.

I am hoping in Vancouver, there will be something that grabs me and just doesn't let go. There is a possibility that I could have the opportunity to move to the city with the current job I have. But I won't make the move if I don't love the city.

So Vancouver, I am excited to meet you. I hope this first meeting will be the start of a great relationship ...

*Second Week...

Week two of Yoga class tonight ...
15 minutes into class, i wanted to stomp my feet, roll up my beautiful mat and storm out of there.

I just couldn't connect ... to anything

mind, body, earth ... nothing

I know it's about being patient with yourself, but it was just so damned frustrating. Normally I am very patient with myself, especially when whatever I am doing happens to be "new" (or relatively new...) to me. But for some reason, I expected more from myself.

I have always felt very connected to my body, and have always felt movement came naturally to me. Not so much this time around...

I feel a giant disconnect, and that upsets me. I know it will get better and every week won't be like this but, body, if you're listening ....

please try to meet me half way

*If...

Ask anyone who knows me well and they will tell you I can often be found with my nose stuck in a book.

They will also tell you half the time,I will have a pen in hand and that said book will be one of my journals.

So imagine my delight when I go in to one of my favorite places in the world, the local library, and find this delightful book ...

If...

(Questions for the Game of Life)

by Evelyn McFarlane & James Saywell

I open it up to find hundreds of questions, all starting with the word if... My mind races as I read question after question and realize that I have just come across a goldmine of journal prompts! Even more to my delight I find out that there are several more books in the "series", all with different questions ( or journal prompts, in my case). I ran to Chapters, just a block away and got the second one. There are a few on my birthday wish list as well!

I thought I would share some of my answers here, as well as in my journal. If you are in need of inspiration, or just a fun game to play with some friends, please go find these little gems!

If you could physically transport yourself to any place in the world at this moment, where would you go?

New York City. I miss it so much and crave the energy, sights and sounds. That city is magical, and I feel magical when I am a part of it.

If you could suddenly possess an extraordinary talent in one of the arts, what would you like it to be?

I would want to be an extraordinarily talented actor. I believe I am talented, as I am a graduate of a program that auditions many, and only takes 20 people a year, but I don't feel I possess an extraordinary talent. Acting (for the stage, not for film or television) is something I love, and am very passionate about.

If you could be instantly fluent in one other language that you currently do not read or speak, which would it be?

Italian or Gaelic, and no I cannot choose between the two. I think they are both beautiful and would gladly speak either of them

...so there is just a taste of the many question gems in this book. I am sure I will post more in the weeks to come.

*Be in the Moment ...

I went to my first yoga class last night. While it wasn't the first time I had ever done yoga, it was the first "official" class I had taken.

We used Yoga constantly in Theatre School to bring ourselves in to the present moment, to drop everything and prepare ourselves to be the blank canvas we needed to be in order to fully take on a new character.

I forgot how difficult it was even to align my body. By the end of my second year, I could align my body and stand fully straight in two seconds. I could feel if my hips were slightly out of place or if my chin was out just a little too far. Yesterday, it took me half the class to feel completely aligned and my body screamed at me the entire time. " this is so not comfortable, what in the world are you doing to me!" my mind constantly reassuring " I promise this pain you are feeling will go away, just give it time. Remember how good it felt those years in school?! You were so connected, so grounded ... we're trying to get back there. It is so worth it, just trust me ... "

Now if I thought this was difficult, it was nothing compared to clearing my mind. This was a practice I was so good at 4 years ago. Blank mind, just be present ... done! Now I get thoughts like this swimming through my head

"I need to pick up groceries"
" Is that top I want to wear to the meeting tomorrow clean or dirty?"
" I need to call and make that hair appointment"
" I need to take my library books back"

I know these little struggles won't last forever, but I found it odd that this practice that came so naturally to me four years ago now takes a tremendous amount of work. I am sticking to it though, and making a point of being on my beautiful mat for atleast 15 minutes, even if I just lay on my back and clear my mind. It's all about learning to ....

"Be in the Moment. For it is the only moment that truly matters"

A Joyful Girl*

I had a lot of worries when I decided I wanted to blog. A lot of my self-doubts and negative thoughts kept floating around in my head. "who cares about what i think, feel, love or hate..." or "who would want to see or know about the crafts I make, the poetry I write, the photographs I take...". Then I realized something. Something that I had decided to do for fun was causing me more grief than necessary.

So here I am entering my first blog post, and I am feeling a strange mix of anxiety and excitement.

This blog will be one of my journals (of which I have around the 80 mark range), a collection of personally written and found inspiration. Quotes, lyrics, poems, photographs, arts and crafts and links to some of my favorite web spaces. A place where I can tell the world exactly how grateful and joyful I am for the gifts given to me each day, cause after all...

i do it for the joy it brings

cause i'm a joyful girl

because the world owes me nothing

and we owe each other the world...

Welcome to Tournesol Treasures...